My back hurts like crazy! :-( Simple reason being, I drive a Nissan Bluebird, 1991 Model and I happen to live in Lagos! :-(

There were two things in life I thought I would never ever achieve... Don’t ask me why in the world I would think so negatively in this era of universal possibilities! Well they are Swimming and Driving.

I simply cannot swim. I don’t know why. It's not like I am fat or stiff.... I am simply the-woman-that-cannot-swim! :-( I once went to Tarkwa Bay (A beach in Nigeria) with a couple of friends and after surviving riding with a snake charmer.... No! Wait! Now, I remember the hilarious story, he he! Pardon me for this digression.... We boarded the "speed boats" (More like "Speed logs/raft") at the "jetty" close to the American embassy and there was .... huh... lemme see... yeah... nine of us friends and this queer - looking fellow with a black plastic bag that kinda gave me the creeps (Like Anjelina Jolie). Anyway, despite the fact that we had to start praying in tongues before the engine grumbled to life, we were - yipee! - finally on our way!

Right in the middle of the Ocean, abi na Sea.... ok, probably Lake or plenty Puddle :P, the driver stopped the engine and asked us to pay him or he capsizes the boat... AT that point, I could have sworn I saw a pair of yellow sulphuric demonized eyes (thank you Frank Peretti) staring at us! Of course we all refused and told him to do his worst, with my voice being the loudest and wondering within me why on earth I hadn't bought my private Island in Dubai!

In defiance, the guy suddenly starts the engine, makes a detour (not like we knew where the fish we were) and started towards an oncoming vessel! Well, push had turned to shove, so omo men, me I begin beg o! I NO FIT SWIM! When we were within a really close range, all set for a head-on collision and I could have sworn I heard someone muttering "Pls accept my soul Jesus, even as I die", the guy makes another detour and again asks for his freaking money! Omo men, I became a conductor instantly! Owo da leyin nibeyen?! Afterwards, we were on our way again and we heaved a sigh of relief, thinking the worst was over. Suddenly, the creepy guy opened his plastic bag and guess what? He brought out a python and put it round his neck! I just passed out! I endured the final lap with goose pimples all over my body and being conscious of the “12th passenger”! We finally arrived at our destination and we scrambled for safety as soon as we could!

We got to the beach and after all the protocols had been observed, I settled down on a beach chair as my friends showed off their swimming skills. Suddenly, it hit me! What if my life depends one day on my ability to swim? So I decided to take a plunge and I literarily did. I saw the way my friends swam under and rode with the waves, so I followed suit. The next thing I remember was being dragged by the water and being flung (rather aggressively) out also! L Don’t ask me what happened or how it happened. I just found myself face-down on the shore, feeling sore all over. I saw one of my friends running towards me. I thought he had come to my rescue, only for him to mutter “abeg, don’t embarrass me” and he pulled up my trunks! It so happened that not only did the water throw me out; It carted away with my expensive pure silk Channel scarf and at the same time made me naked! Now now, I must add here that I am drop-dead gorgeous, thank you, thank you, so that was a very beautiful sight, BUT NOT FOR PUBLIC CONSUMPTION!

When twilight came and we headed home, I noticed bruises all over my body and I made up my mind thereafter to go for a professional swimming course. Afterall, who knows, I might decide to be a part of the Indomie Ultimate Search, someday.

I can see my title seems somewhat redundant now, thanks to the power of digressionJ. Moreso, it is 1.46am and I am kinda beat. It has been a long day, so I would continue with my thoughts on the dilemma sometime soon.

All I wanted to say.